Saturday, February 21, 2009

Experiences of a 1 year marriage old!


Well, you hear routine words and phrases like "I love my wife", "We had a wonderful marriage" or "She is the light of my life". But then marriage is more than words with its own complexities and blessings. It is like the Soduku puzzle, exciting and interesting yet requiring some problem solving. So how do I feel about my one year of marriage? To tell you the truthful answer, it is filled with understanding, coupled with learning and ultimately very satisfying and enlightening.

There are 2 theories regarding marriage. One says that you should marry someone like you to eliminate contradictions and create immediate rapport. The second theory says that you should find someone who is different from you so that the match compliments you and makes a perfect pair. In my experience, both theories are wrong. It matters little what the individual characteristics are as long as there is commitment, respect and love for each other and the relation. Haritha is very different different from me. She gets excited about things like the marriage saree to wear for her sister's wedding and the trip we are about to take. I am seldom excited and even when I am excited my extent of excitement can be barely called excitement in Haritha's terms! She is talkative, friendly, lovely, lively and fun loving. I am reticent, calm, simple and rather introvertical in nature. Yet we both shared a year long life filled with wonderful moments.

Marriage is about communication. You hear it all the time but only when you experience it you will learn the importance of it, When two people come together and live together, it is two different perspectives living together. Each sees a different dimension of things and wonders why something so obvious to one seems mystical to the other. It takes time to create a common language and start communicating. And time involves patience, care and longing for a happy togetherness. I am glad to tell you that we almost are complete in the creation of our language and started to experience communication. We are still learning and will continue to learn.

Marriage is about having "space in between". It is not the "other half" or "better half" or "other I". It is "one full" & "another full" getting together for a shared fulfillment. It is letting each other be their own self and together creating a harmony. For music is created by different notes and rainbow is created by different colours. Realizing about the necessity of this "space" is one of the most important requisites for a happy marriage. It requires that you understand and respect other's uniqueness and let the natural self flow. Only then you can celebrate the differences. Otherwise marriage becomes mere adjustment. In this one year of marriage, we are often reminded of this "space" and as Khalil Gibran in his wonderful commentary on Marriage in the book "The Prophet" said, we learnt to "let heavens dance in between our spaces".

Marriage is about togetherness. And this involves more than you and your spouse and includes the whole family. I am personally very happy about my choice of marrying Haritha coz I liked their family. The first time I went to their home before our marriage, I noticed the fun filled and energetic atmosphere there where the girls tease their dad and mom joins the fun. My family is more formal in nature and I thought it would be a wonderful convergence. And Haritha jelled immediately with our family to the extent that she became more close than myself with some of my family members. The true HR talent, you see! Of particular note is the liking and love my mom and Haritha share. For once you find here a "Saas-Bahu" who get along very well like a mom and daughter.

To end this rather long essay, let me tell you that marriage is really worth its hype! Go for it! But be prepared for surprises. Be foolish and keep learning. In the end, you would be glad for all the efforts. Life emerges out and love blossoms in this garden of marriage if we care enough to water it regularly!







5 comments:

sobha said...

hi phani,
naa blog lo comment ivvatam valana mee blog choose avakaasam dorikindhi...
nijamga chala bagundhandi 1 year marriage...
cocept...good good

....

sobha said...

hi again phani,

monnane raayalanipinchindhi..kaani ??????
ok anyway naa feeling nenu express cheyatamlo thappuledu kada..


1 year kadaa pelli ayyi....inkoka 4 years tharuvatha kooda ide maata meeru cheppandi...
appudu nenu oppukuntanu...ur lif is going cool ani...


thappuga anukovatledukada ila annanani...just take it easy....ok

ramakrishna said...

The concept of "Space" is very stimulating. Thanks to u for introducing Khalil Gibran to me. i saw a book of his, but never read him.

May god bless you both with wisdom to live happily all the years to come.

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